Donor-conceived daughter contacts your brother
- Kind
- Ethical dilemma
Prompt
Your brother Marcus, now 41, donated sperm to a fertility clinic eleven times when he was a 22-year-old student who needed money, on the promise that he would remain anonymous. Last month his wife, Dana, gave him a consumer DNA test as a birthday gift. Last week he received a message through the testing site from a 19-year-old named Elise. She wrote that she is almost certainly his biological daughter, that she has already found two half-siblings, and that she would like to meet him once, mainly to learn about his family and where she comes from. Marcus has never told Dana about the donations. They have two children, aged 8 and 11. He asks you whether he should ignore the message, reply but keep it from Dana, or tell Dana first. What would you advise him?
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After you practice: what this question tests and how to approach it
What this question tests
- Ethical reasoning
- Empathy and compassion
- Communication
How to approach this question
This MMI station tests how you advise a family member when several people's interests collide: your brother's promise of anonymity, his wife's trust, their children, and Elise, who wants to know where she comes from. Show empathy for each person, and resist taking sides too early. Lay out his three options and what each risks, including what happens if Dana learns about the donations another way. Ask aloud what Marcus himself wants, since the decision is his, then give clear advice with your reasons. When the station brings another person into the conversation with conditions of her own, acknowledge her hurt and weigh whether keeping secrets from the children serves them in the long run.
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